"angel, i want to be with you. so, tell me what can i do..."

     i woke up on monday and checked my email before school. i had new friend requests from people in my classes and emails from teachers that all had the same "welcome to hartton-beaux!" message with thier names and what-not. wasnt much. then i saw a message from haley.

          hey  sorry we didnt get to hang out i was busy that day...i saw u left our mosaic on my doorstep in the back? well idk wen u came over but we still need 2 hang out! sorry i missed ya!
          luv ya! ha, haley!!

     i didnt know what to say...did she really just ask me to hang out after that? she drives past and splashes water on me everyday, takes my boyfriends, takes my credit for stuff and even has all my old friends...what makes her think i wanna even talk to her?! i closed my laptop and stashed it in my bag then went down the stairs an walked to school.

     i couldnt concentrate when i got into school, i couldnt even draw right. i couldnt write neatly, i couldnt pay attention to anything, i couldnt walk without tripping and wasnt paying attention and was almost late to all of my classes. people were calling me names as usual but today i was too upset to take it in, usually i would give back a mean look but i couldnt i just kept walking. all i could think about was haley and what she did. how i thought we were best friends, but she's been driving through puddles to splash me every time it rains. how she doesnt find time to email me back when she's busy and i always reply even when i am. how i fought to keep in touch with her despite our distance, and i always go to her house and she would never try to come to mine. how i did all that work and saving up and time to carry that mosaic and our notebook and everything to her house just because i missed her.
     i needed someone to talk to really badly, but there's only two i could see. i wen to the cafe at lunch and bella wasnt there. she texted me and told me she was sick and went to bed. and scott is in school, and those are my only friends. i wouldnt have tried to talk to mr. heron, he would care, but i didnt want to bother him...i didnt want to bother anybody. i didnt want to bother with anybody. i didnt even want to talk.

     i walked home from the cafe and didnt go back to school.

     the air was at ease and the temperature was at even heat with my body. the sky was dim and dark and the stairs were slippery with a wax coating. the doorknob was cold and the door was rough, as was my unsheeted mattress. i could feel every spring circling against my back as i laid down and gazed solemnly to my gray celing. tears cracked from the crease of my eye and tore through my temples to my hair. i blinked my eyes and they burned and i sighed, looking at the sheer sparkling circles reflecting the water drops on my eyelashes and wishing on each one that one day i can find something true.
i wish i could find something true.
i wish i could find something true.
i wish i could find something true.
i wish i could find someone true.
i fought to stay awake but i dozed off into sleep.

     when i woke up, i wiped my eyes and sat up against the wall. i picked up from cell phone off my nightstand. "1 new message. From: Scott :)" i opened it and it said:

          angel i want to be with you, so tell me what can i do

my profile song...i changed my song the other day and he noticed...i wanted him to. thats how i felt about him. he had sent it about 10 minutes ago which is around the time he usually gets home. i heard the sound of pedals going and a wheel hit the speedbump. that must be scott. i slipped on my sneakers and hurried down the stairs and ran all the way to the parking lot.
     when scott rode up to me, he laid his bike down on its side next to the hedges. the look on his face was different today, he looked serious, but also, in a way he looked almost fearful. i froze in my anxiety and gulped, clenching my fists and playing with my thumbs. he walked up steadily and stood one sidewalk square in front of me. for a few minutes he looked at me, then looked down without saying a word. then he looked me straight in the eye, and without doing anything else, he sked me "what does love mean to you? how would you describe it."    
     "i think...i think its like being infatuated with your best friend." i played with my hands. his eyes got more frightened in them and i could sence how nervous he was, and i surely was scared out of my mind as well. he stood in front of me and i could tell he wanted to say something and so did i... "if...if you want to say 'i love you,' you can..." he looked up at me from his head tilted down and his eyes got wide. "because i love you too..." he smiled at me and i smiled back and i hugged him tightly. his head laid over my shoulder.
     "love means the same thing to me...i love you." he hugged me, then we kissed and he left. i cant believe i said it first...♥

     that was a big thing for me. i've never said i love you first before...no ones ever made me want to, but now...i finally found that person who would make me say it. someone who i fell in love with, not someone who fell for me then pulled me down with them. this is real...this is true, this is what i always wanted, and i didnt find it, it found me. that just turned my entire day around, and maybe even my entire life; i feel so much better that i said that, and even better that he wont leave me here by myself now that i've said it.

     when i was walking up the stairs, i got a text from him. he said "will you go out with me?" i was ready to say yes, but i wanted it to be in person so i replied "only if you ask me in person :)" and 5 minutes later i got a rock thrown at my window. i stepped out onto the balcony and climbed down the fire exit ladder.
     scott smiled and said "will you go out with me?"
     "yes!" i grinned widely and he squeezed me tight. and with a sigh of relief, i got a big kiss on my forehead and it made me smile so big. i'm so happy this finally happened, i never thought it would. the nameless, skateboarding, prince charming from my dreams is now embracing me warmly outside of my apartment and i could never be better. sometimes i really hate my life, but when i'm with him i'm happy. its like he's my guardian angel, he wouldnt hurt me and wouldnt let anybody else. when im with him, nothing hurts.
"i know i'm gonna die
and tonight is all i see,
i'm still looking in the mirror;
the angel is me.
angel i hope that you can see,
you are the one, you set me free."

he sees it. and we're the same.
he's my angel, he's set me free from my pain
and we're in love...and im no longer

No comments:

Post a Comment